


Balcony

by why_cello_there



Category: Layton Kyouju Series | Professor Layton Series
Genre: Depression, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mostly hurt, Randall is not okay, Suicide Attempt, Suicide Notes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-09
Updated: 2017-08-09
Packaged: 2018-12-13 04:57:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11752509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/why_cello_there/pseuds/why_cello_there
Summary: On a balcony overlooking the grand city of Monte D'Or, Randall commits to a decision he'd made weeks ago.On a balcony overlooking Monte D'Or, Randall makes preparations to fall as he'd fallen eighteen years prior.On a balcony overlooking Monte D'Or, Randall climbs the railing.On a balcony overlooking a city built in his honour, Randall wishes he hadn't come back.





	Balcony

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on an au/post-canon headcanon that @laurensicc and I worked on. He wrote an amazing fic (Revert) based on the same au (which I will link in the end notes), and I wholly recommend checking that one out (I plan to write a companion fic to that one, from Randall's POV, so I hope that goes well!).  
> A couple warnings here. Randall does attempt suicide, and almost succeeds, so if anyone feels they'll be triggered by that they'd best not read. Additionally, this fic also contains Randall's suicide note, so that's something to look out for if you feel you may be triggered.  
> And on a lighter note, I use Commonwealth spellings (apologise, honour, etc) as I am from Australia, so that's just an extra note.

Randall had been weighing this out for days, weeks, months. The cool night breeze sent shivers down his spine. Would he have the courage to do this?

Closing his eyes, he took a few deep breaths. He'd already made his decision, he'd made it tonight when he'd scrawled his apology and farewell onto the nearest sheet of paper he could find. He figured it didn't have to be too fancy.  
Randall's fingers clenched around the railing, knuckles white in the moonlight as he pushed himself up. This reminded him of several occasions when he'd flown through the night, wings stretched behind him as he escaped the chaos of his own doing. Of course, flight wasn't exactly the goal here, but it felt similar enough. He felt grateful that he had a bedroom with a balcony on the fourth floor.

Before he could get over the railing, he paused. Stopped. Turned around and climbed back onto the floor of the balcony and looked back at the door. He could've sworn he'd heard footsteps. Angela slept like a log, as did his mother, so neither of them would be awake. Henry wouldn't be awake at midnight, surely. If he was, he was almost certainly in his office. It must have been the wind, or his imagination.

Randall shook his head, carding his fingers through his hair. What did it matter if someone else was awake? It wasn't as if they would miss him terribly. He glanced over at the Mask ( _his_ Mask, although not for much longer), set down near the door leading to the balcony. Crouched down, picked up the note it held down. Reread it (his handwriting was barely legible; he'd been in a rush to complete it. He'd never do something like this in daylight, and he could hardly stand to wait another day, so he'd had to get it done quickly). Rewrote a couple of sections, added a few more explanations.

 

"I'm deeply sorry.  
This is my only option. I've hurt too many people, hurt several people far too many times, and I'm not worthy of anyone's forgiveness, not even my own. I have no excuses for what I've done. Amnesia doesn't excuse trying to murder my friends, who have done so much for me, even in my supposed death. Even when I'm too damaged for any of that to be worth the trouble.  
You've dealt with my death before, you can do it again, right? You're strong, it won't be too much trouble. Hell, it might even be a welcome relief. Angela doesn't have to deal with my issues, nor does Henry, and he can run his businesses without me being a burden and interfering because I'm too damaged to live my own fucking life. 

Strong language. I'm sorry. I know Henry's not particularly fond of it. But I digress.

My point is that all of your lives would be far easier if I'd never come back. And hey, at least this time you'll be certain that I'm dead. No bullshit waiting games, you don't have to build another city in vain. I'll be dead and gone and you'll be free from my stupid problems and the world will be a better place. Henry can have the Mask back. It didn't do much good for me, and if it's out of my hands it won't do too much bad for others.

So this is my final Miracle, if you will. It's the only one that will do any good for anyone, the only one that will cause joy rather than pain and fear and suffering. Don't spend too much on the funeral, will you? I'm not worth that much.

Goodbye. Forever. You're welcome. 

-Randall Ascot."

 

Randall sighed, setting the note back down and using the Mask as a paperweight yet again. It was fairly windy, and he wanted his note to stay put, thank you very much. He made his way back to the railing, bracing himself. He'd fallen a fatal distance once (nearly twice, but Henry saved him in a lapse of judgement, in Randall's opinion), but he knew there were no underground rivers to break his fall this time. Which is exactly how he wanted it, really. Randall didn't want to take another chance with life. It would only serve to make Angela and Henry more paranoid, more watchful, and that was the last thing Randall wanted.

He glanced back towards the door, certain he heard footsteps. No, nobody else would be awake at a ridiculous hour such as this. He shook his head, trying to clear his mind. He needed to focus, dammit. Randall touched his palms to the railing, pulling back momentarily. Cold. He gritted his teeth (as if something like that would put him off from ending it; what was he thinking? He wasn't that much of a coward, he told himself), climbing over the railing. He balanced delicately on the outer rim of the balcony, his heels only barely staying grounded.

He took another deep breath. "One, two, three, four... I suppose it's goodbye, Monte D'Or," he said to himself, smiling ever so slightly (was that a door creaking? ... Just the wind).

He closed his eyes, preparing himself to let go.  
He counted to himself once more,

One, 

Two, 

Three,

 

Fall.

 

But he didn't.

Randall opened his eyes, perplexed. Why didn't he...?  
The answer lay in a familiar voice, one belonging to familiar arms wrapping around his torso, speaking familiar words last heard four months prior.

"After all this time, there's no way I'm letting you go that easily," said Henry Ledore, gritting his teeth in an effort to remain intelligible and hang onto his friend for dear life.  
Randall struggled against Henry's grip. He'd worked on a farm for eighteen years, Henry had worked businesses for eighteen years. Randall _should_  have the upper hand here. But Henry simply refused to let his friend fall again.

"You dealt with my death once, you can do it again!" Randall snapped, trying to pry Henry's arms away from him so he could carry out what he intended.

"I stopped you from falling to your death once, I can do that again instead!" Henry retorted, blinking away tears and managing to pull Randall back over the railing to safety. As soon as Randall made a move towards the railing, Henry grabbed his wrist and pinned him down.  
"I'm not... Letting you die... Again," Henry panted, using his free hand to attempt to dry his eyes.

They stayed like that for what felt like ages - it was probably more along the lines of a few minutes - before tears welled up in Randall's eyes.

"I'm s-"

"Don't apologise, not now," Henry interrupted, not wanting the redhead to be caught in a cycle of apologies. He paused.  
"Why did you-"

"The note's there for a reason," Randall mumbled, making his best efforts to avoid making eye contact with Henry. "Explains everything as best I could."

Henry nodded slightly. "Right..."

Another minute of silence. Neither of them knew what to say. It was Henry that spoke again.

"Ground floor bedroom from now on." It sounded like an order, but he was probably talking to himself. Maybe a reminder, or a plea.

"I suppose that's an okay option," the redhead mumbled softly, too tired to put effort into arguing.

 

The next few minutes were a blur. Randall somehow found himself in bed, Henry sitting next to him while gently running fingers through his hair. The pillow was damp; Randall wasn't sure if he was actively crying or just didn't have the motivation to hold the tears in anymore. Once he found the strength to speak, he felt disgusted at how weak he sounded.

"Please don't tell Angela. She'll go mad," he pleaded. Henry bit his lip.

"No promises, I apologise." Of course. Randall should've expected it.

Randall faded in and out of consciousness; he didn't trust Henry to keep his reaction proportionate to the event (meaning he didn't trust Henry to keep quiet or avoid closing off all balconies or something like that), but he was so tired. Tired of life, tired of having to put so much _effort_  into killing himself, tired of being forced to stay alive, tired, tired, tired...

 

Randall would wake up to a tearful Angela, an exhausted Henry, but nonetheless two partners who cared deeply about him. Randall would cry, whimper apologies until his voice was nearly gone, and attempt to assure his partners that he wouldn't make another attempt. Angela and Henry would try to believe him, but still try to keep their watch on him because they loved him, and knew it would be a long while before he was healed.

That would all happen later.

For now, all Randall did was let the relief of sleep take over, and all thoughts of guilt and masks and notes and balconies were forgotten until the morning.

**Author's Note:**

> Revert: http://archiveofourown.org/works/11744262
> 
> If you enjoyed, please leave a comment or a kudos! It would mean so much to me, and it lets me know that people enjoy my work. Thank you for reading!


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